New Towel Phenomenon

I am what some people might call a "garage physicist". I like to make observations on the world around me, and attempt to classify those occurrences which have before never been described.

Take, for instance, the New Towel Phenomenon:

We were recently gifted with some lovely, large, fluffy towels. I like to dry off with them, rub my face into them, and may or may not even occasionally sigh with satisfaction as I do so. These are great towels.

But you know what? A strange thing accompanies new towels. Fuzz. Everywhere.

No one ever warned me. I grew up virtually undistinguishable from these kids,



which means that I haven't sampled a whole lot of brand new towels in my life. It turns out that a new towel, by some inherent virtue of its fluffiness, sheds everywhere, on everything. I find fuzz on the counters and in the sink. Fuzz on my pillows, my sheets. Fuzz on me (which point we will come back to later).

Why, exactly, do new towels shed like this? Did these towels get run through a fuzzifier? Is a factory worker somewhere assigned the lot of grabbing handfuls of fuzz and rubbing them into the towels? And, further, am I being charged for tis extra, non-permanent, transient, surface fuzz? Is it a scheme to up the thread count?

Furthermore, what can be done about New Towel Syndrome? That's what happens to the body of the actual person using the new towels. For example, our new towels



(which we love) have this effect
have this effect:



My chest doesn't naturally look like that.

Our red towels



(which we also love) similarly cause this problem:



So, naturally, I'm feeling some concern. What if this condition persists? What if it intensifies?:



Note that by these advanced stages, this symptom is actually better classified as the Nude Towel Phenomenon. Notice how the upper pectoral area of this subject actually looks like a towel, when in fact the subject is indeed clothed only by Mother Nature's (best?) intentions.

Ultimately, so far, I guess it's a side-effect that I can live with, especially considering how fluffy those towels are. But if you see me next month and I look like this



just smile and lie to me.